Cernunnos Morrigu (cmorrigu) wrote,
Cernunnos Morrigu

  • Mood:

buyer's remorse

come to think of it, perhaps it hasn't been as cheery as I initially thought.... perhaps I was already close to the edge, and events conspired today to push me over. or yesterday, I suppose. I slept for quite awhile earlier, but I still consider that a nap... need to crash soon for the real sleep.

I ended up doing more shopping.. online... damn techbargains... found some good deals, and so bought things to make myself feel better. Resulting in feeling worse due to buyer's remorse setting in... Not to mention going against things I'm trying to change about myself..

I'll deal, eventually.

This whole thing with Chichi is the reason I resent the medical establishment... They portray themselves as lifesavers, and that they can work miracles... well, here's their chance. They say if they don't do this, Chichi will die pretty soon. They also say that if they do this, Chichi may die. What a great choice. It's interesting that they didn't want to do any of this sooner... How can they expect a person to live through heavy chemo, a spleen removal, AND a bone marrow transplant - all in a row? It'd be something for someone in otherwise good health and shape, let alone someone who's been fraglie for what, nearly 2 years now? In some ways, I want them to go ahead and "check out" as they termed it.... Get it over with, let everyone deal. Then again, it's hard to let them go.... Especially for Haha. Of course, there's that slim chance that they will actually be stubborn enough to pull this off and recover completely.

Eh, we'll see.

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