December 27th, 2000



I just saw what I missed on xmas... the live bare-all party... *sigh*

Of course, even if I would have seen it, with Chichi and Haha sleeping here I couldn't have participated.... maybe next time
  • Current Mood
    disappointed disappointed

I'm tired of this shit

I need to wake up tomorrow and get my fucking act together. I'm coasting again, being lazy and all that shit. And I'm not happy with myself for doing it.

I need to get myself in gear, do good work in my 8 hours there, do more if it's available, and get myself organized afterwards. No more lazing about hoping things magically get done. Time to dig in and take a serious look at my lifestyle and what I need to change.

I know, sounds like a dodgy new year's resolution... But so what if it is? I feel the need to change myself for the better. I want to merge several high points over the last few years in my life, bring them together and have that sort of thing every day.

If I'm going to have the life and future that I want, I need to work towards it. And now is the time to start. I've been too lazy, putting it off time and again. No more.

So what are my plans? Good question. Chichi told me to write my goals down awhile ago, and I couldn't. I don't know that I know what I want in the end, but I can set myself some tasks to complete, at least.

1) Resolve everything with Strawberry once and for all. I never found out what happened, and I think I need to give it one last mature try. I keep trying to move on, but get stuck. For my mental and emotional well-being, I must do this.

2) Be less materialistic. I understand that it is my nature to be a packrat, a collector, and otherwise have the drive to have lots of things around, even if they are of no practical use. I've been slowly ridding myself of some of my excess junk, but I think now is the time to offload everything I can. I can probably make some cash in the process. This also includes not going out and buying new toys all the time. I need to put more money back in savings to secure my financial future.

3) Take opportunities to socialize, be more social. I tend to avoid social situations for no apparent reason. I need to learn to enjoy talking with strangers, make new friends, etc more often. I may sign up for a class or two at nights or on weekends to help with this.

4) Change my appearance. I make pretty good money, I should probably dress like it. Get rid of old, worn out clothing, especially the t-shirts. Replace them with more adult clothing of higher quality. I still can't justify spending a lot on clothing, but I could stand to spend a bit more than I do, and get more nice clothing that will last longer than my cheap t-shirts do.

5) Exercise more often, eat better, lose some weight. I'm not very overweight, but I know I'm not in very good shape, either. I need to build muscle, and get rid of excess fat. I also need to work on stamina, I get tired too quickly when trying to run, jog, bike, or dance. My diet could also use some changes - it's not awful, but it's not going to be on the doctor's list of approved diets either.

6) Stop worrying, enjoy the moment, enjoy life, relax and don't let the little things annoy me so much. I can be laid back and high strung at the same time, and I need to get rid of that tension.... which brings me to...

7) Get laid. I've been so lazy for so long, I really need to start dating and having sex with new people again. I've done it before, I can do it again, it's just another thing I need to actually put effort towards.

8) Expand my comfort zone. I tend to retreat back to comfort too quickly. I know I'm not that thin skinned. I should work on becoming comfortable in any situation, even if I don't have control, and would normally be bored or uncomfortable. There's really no reason to be so skittish.

9) Take care of everything. I am religious about maintaining my computer system, but normally can't be bothered to get the car washed or the oil changed, etc... This includes such wonderful things as laundry, dusting, vacuuming, and other household chores.

10) There probably should be a #10, I can't quite think of it right now.

Anyway, that should give me a good start. If I can work on conquering these 9 tasks, I think it will help me enjoy my position in life. Because, sadly, despite the fact that I've been so lucky so far, I don't really appreciate it as much as I should. I know this, but I need to beat it into my own skull for it to really register, I guess.

I've already started on some of these, made the crucial first steps. Now it's time to give them the effort they deserve.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative