November 13th, 2000



Finally get up, sit down at my computer... And there's a lovely note from Chichi on it. "30 days is up, you must have a job by Nov 17th"
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    enraged enraged


Well, I notice that my Sat night/Sun morn entry was anything but readable... I really don't know what I was trying to say.

Sat night we sat around Jingoro's place with Plague, J, Moltar, Moltar's SO, and Jing's SO playing Tekken on the PS2. After Moltar and SO left, we started watching TV... Wouldn't you know it, Eraser was on, so we proceeded to MST3K it until it was time to leave for karaoke.

Karaoke was in this small place in the next city, and it was a blast. We were greeted by a group of friends a dozen strong and already well into their drinks for the evening. Lots of good and bad singing, much drinking, and other stupid stuff... It was a great time. I sang Too Shy by Kajagoogoo very badly, but redeemed myself somewhat on Walk Like an Egyptian. I also helped with What's Up and did some dancing. Somehow we bribed them to keep doing for an extra hour past their normal shutdown time, and closed the place out.

J drove me back to their place, and we sat down listening to the DDR mix cds he made as I kept falling in and out of consciousness. I called Ankh to come pick me up so I could sleep in a decent bed instead of on the uncomfortable couch they have, but ended up passing out on the couch and missing the pickup.

I woke up pretty early and left, driving out to Ankh's... Not the best idea, but I am very capable, and drove perfectly. Spent the rest of the day in bed, came home sometime after 9pm when I got royally pissed at Ankh, and both Haha and Chichi were still up for some reason. Fell asleep trying to read my last book in bed to avoid having to converse with either of them.

I notice that Goofy wrote me back on Saturday, telling me to come to the con 'cuz they needed help... *sigh* I really don't think I would've been much help, although if I had seen the message, I probably would have gone anyways.

And now I'm sitting here mostly blank and blah, but wondering what the hell Chichi wants me to do. Looking at the situation from my side, he seems to want me to be employed for the sake of being employed, perhaps so he can start charging me rent or somesuch. I'm thinking this is an absurdly stupid idea and he's not taking the situation in proper context. I have 5 jobs in the works in KC. I'm waiting for HR to call me for an interview, which is merely a formality - I already have at least 1 of the jobs in hand, we just have to get through all of the procedures. And what does he want me to do? Get a pissant job doing shit work for next to nothing. That's a great idea, no really... I'll get a burger flipping job from 10am-7pm and miss every call about the job. I'll be working when they call me to fly out for an interview, and I won't be able to fly out for an interview because I'll be working. Oh yes, I'll be stuck in a shit job for life, but he'll be proud of my because I'm working.

Fuck that.
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And the worst part to me is this. Yesterday I was psyching myself up to get into a pattern this week. To make sure I exercise, clean up my room and the basement, to go through all my stuff and get rid of crap I don't need, to organize my clothes and basically prepare to move out. Now I just feel like sitting and vegging in front of the tv, getting absolutely nothing done at all. It's my natural reaction to stupid mandates coming down to me. I guess I did pick up some of the belief in the principle of the thing from Chichi.

The principle is that it was not worth working in the environment I was working in. So I quit. I had another job lined up, but it fell through. I had other jobs lined up, but each of them fell through so far. I agree that this is not the best of situations, and that it is not fair to expect a free ride forever. But it's not as if I am not trying, even if I am not giving 100%. I kept finding the opportunity that seemed to be the best match, and it keeps falling through for reasons unknown to me. Now I am after a half dozen jobs this time, my motivation is stronger, and they're in the works. Now is not the time to be getting a crappy job for no reason at all other than to be working. I still have money in the bank to live off of. But no, his principle is that I have been graduated from school for a few years, and I need to be working. Which as far as I am concerned is a load of crap, especially as far as practical motivational value goes. I want to be working. I want to have cash to spend on the junk i normally buy, I want to live in my own place, I want to go out to lunch with co workers, and have that kind of social atmosphere to my day. I also want a job I will stay in for a few years, where I am respected and treated well, where I am compensated for the knowledge I bring and the work I do for the team and the company. And I'm not going to find that flipping burgers or manning the check out lane.

I may just move out. At the moment, I am seriously considering moving back out west by Friday. It's a stupid idea, it's wasteful of my cash reserves, and it's not very practical. Hmmm, sounds like the perfect thing to use in this war with Chichi.

On the plus side, I would be out there already, so interviewing and getting hired would be that much simpler and easier. Of course, I was hoping to get a relocation package, or some bonus to foot part of the moving expenses, and would have to scrap that.

I'm not sure. There are other reasons I want to remain in this state for another week or two, as well.. I want to do the last round of hanging out with friends before I move out west and don't see them for awhile. That, and I think they're leaving for FL for T-day on Fri or something.... It would be a much better idea for me to seriously consider doing some of this then, while they're gone... Ooooohhhhh just imagine their reaction when they come back and I've moved all of my stuff out... With their damn key lying on the counter. That has much more value to me then getting a shitty job for a day or a week or whatever.

Maybe I should "get a job" after all... something like having a friend give me a few buck to sort their cd collection or something. Maybe I should go around to the used stuff stores and sell off my old LDs, that could be a suitably worthless "job". I'd be bringing in a few dollars every week doing stuff like that, just as if I were flipping hotdogs or something...

It's my nature, when I feel slighted, to not openly admit anything, to not react in the face of confrontation. I hate confrontation, really. But that doesn't mean that I won't slip out the side, run around behind someone, and snipe at them from afar.

So now today is going to be wasted, thanks to Chichi and the stupidity of his current politics. Or maybe not, maybe I can use this to motivate myself. Or perhaps I will just pack up what's necessary and move in with friends - I've had plenty of offers to do so. That will put me effectively out of their reach.

What to do... What to do...

Maybe I'm being a bit too self-justified, whiny, etc... And if I am, then I can accept that part of myself. I've been a bit down, and I know what happens when I get that way. Then again, I don't think they understand about this situation from my view, and although I think I understand what their view is, this is not a good way of trying to change it.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen... Lend me your words. I come to record my life for posterity and catharsis, not to be praised for my faults.

Reading List

Here are the books I've been reading this past week...

All Tomorrow's Parties by William Gibson
A Good Old Fashioned Future by Bruce Sterling
Mind Changer by James White
Bellwether by Connie Willis
Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang by Kate Wilhelm
A Virtual Soul by Kevin Teixeira
Greenhouse Summer by Norman Spinrad

Now you can be just like me. And I can look back when next I try to remember "That one book I read..."

I've been cleaning. I went through each piece of clothing in each piece of luggage, threw out the old, worn, and ill-fitting items, then repacked them all. I'm putting enough clothing for a week in one of my rolling carry-on suitcases, so I can take it with me and set shop up somewhere else should the need arise.

I realized that not only did I forget to get that Socko CD from Bob on Fri, I forgot to get the VCDs that Jingoro made for me on Sun... Bleh, that was not a good weekend for me actually remembering things.

I was just about to say something else, but my mind blanked. Oh yeah, that was it..
I am going to wash my bedclothes, all dirty clothing, and vacuum the room today. Just in case there's still some allergen lurking.

Chichi and Haha are leaving for FL on Sat... Won't be back until the next Sun night - late, if I remember correctly. That means that I need to disappear on Fri until sometime Sat to avoid the fallout from Chichi about a job. Then I have a week to pack everything up and move out to... somewhere.. If indeed I go with that plan of action.
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I got a call from Oz earlier, he needed to go shopping for some new clothes for work. So we drove around town for a couple of hours, and finally managed to locate some stuff in his size. Also had okay Chinese for dinner. Yay.

It also gave me an excuse to be out of the house while Chichi was still awake, so it wasn't all bad. Haha and Chichi will be out of the house all day tomorrow, so that should be nice. I can actually get the rest of my cleaning done, and some organizing... Without interruption.
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    awake awake


Well I finally heard from the Con People... Sounds like it was a great success in everything except the financial department. Which is to be expected in a new con, of course.... Not that it doesn't suck to be that way.

I'm sorry I missed it, but I did.
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    blah blah