Cernunnos Morrigu (cmorrigu) wrote,
Cernunnos Morrigu

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the hell

do I want?

I can't say for sure.

I'm in the middle of trying to decide whether what I've been working on since moving back out here is good, worthwhile, worth pursuing, etc... or not.

Part of me right now, a large part, is saying..... no. fuck it all. drop everything and go back to the old college town, get a cheap shit job, and live the easy cheap college kind of life. The crap I'm dealing with now just isn't worth it.

Part of me thinks that I'm on the edge of getting things to a good, somewhat stable, worthwhile point. That if I can just stick it out a few more months, I can maneuver things into their proper places and start getting more out of life than stress.

I don't know what to do.. I'm almost frozen by indecision... I'm contemplating a breakdown.

I suppose the point is that I'm feeling a bit too fragile right now - and I mean at this exact moment in time.

It's to the point where relaxation is a foreign concept.. where even good things are doing nothing but adding to the problem.

I've been trying all the normal methods of dealing with it all - sleep, spending, eating, physicality.... and they're just wearing me down even further.

fuck it crash time

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