Cernunnos Morrigu (cmorrigu) wrote,
Cernunnos Morrigu

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Some people get jealous because they know they are doing something they should not be, and are concerned that others are doing the same. Others act that way because someone has given them reason to be so, generally by suspicious activity. Personally, I tend towards not being... But people have given me reason, and thus it becomes hard to not suspect certain activities. I endeavor to begin with trust, but once it is broken... I wonder if it can even be regained.

Let us suppose that I had a relationship in which someone performed an act of unfaithfulness. That act suddenly casts suspicions on every act not only that that person has even done, but the acts of all who have come before and will follow. Trust is broken, and in that sudden revelation countless other activities are brought into question. Let's continue, supposing that this person states their intention to never commit such actions again, and that an amount of belief is given. As the base trust has not been regained, activities are subject to a closer scrutiny. What, then, happens when similar activities are observed? Again, these activities are hidden and unstated - yet continue to be performed. If the conclift is avoided, they keep happening and one starts to wonder what the point of it all is. Is there a fundamental problem with the other? Of the self? Or perhaps the situation is such that two people are not compatible in this way, although they might be in other ways? Questions arise, and give way to conflict.

Excuses. Worthless things they are. Perhaps others don't understand Self as much, but why hide behind these pitiful things? Basic logic, common sense - indeed, any laudable attribute, will show these for the shameful misdirection that they are. The truth is the fact of the situation - that trust was broken by a person. That person is fully responsible for their own actions, and cannot shy away from them. If a word was said, a deed was done, then it is done. Nothing will change the fact. That person chose that action knowing what they were doing was wrong, and understanding what would happen if it were discovered. Why, then, whine? Why beg? Why ask for even the slightest chance to regain trust?

It continues. Suppose, for some unknown reason, that chance - a hundred chances, even - is given. If that person is truly dedicated to a relationship as they state, then wouldn't every waking moment consist of activities which bring them closer to their goal? Every action would shine with the single-minded dedication necessary to demonstrate beyond any shred of doubt that they want only one person. Doing otherwise simply reinforces the fact that this person is either unable to decide who they want, or doesn't really want the one they say they do. Every word and deed able to cast suspicion does. Every careless action further removes trust from ever being regained.

And why, then, would someone keep making excuses and begging for yet another chance to do the same? What does it take to make a person understand that saying something is not the same as doing it, as showing it? Faith, trust, belief... These are things that may last forever - until damaged. And, once damaged, difficult enough to recover under the best of circumstances. But trying to recover them under such conditions where every conversation results in another chip in the foundation? Impossible.

When questioned, why would anything but the fundamental base truth be the response? Lack of defense, no explanation, excuses - all of these serve to demonstrate the lack of respoct one has for another. Without giving the truth, there is no foundation to build from. Nothing positive may result, but the death swap of unimagineable pain continues to grow forever.

Promises are to be kept to the best of one's ability. Nothing is permitted to stand in the way, least of all laziness. Promise you will be faithful, then do so. Promise you will be there, then be. Promise this will happen, and make it so. Promise this will not happen, and control yourself so it does not. There is no excuse in the world that forgives a broken promise, no matter how insignificant. Either you worked towards making it true, or you did not. And you have only yourself to look to once it has been broken. The maker of the promise is also it's keeper, and must expend energy to keep it. Just ignoring it won't make it go away. Any break is intentional, no matter the circumstances. There is no honor without, only within. If you must walk a million miles naked in the desert to keep a promise that you made, then you will do so. A promise is an oath, a word of honor, a dedication to fight whatever stands in your way until the promise is kept. IT is not a bunch of lifeless, empty words. It is not what someone else wants to hear.

Even casual words - "I'll call you at 6," "I'll be there at 9," these are binding. Follow through your words with your actions, and let no one down - least of all yourself. It appears that some people have such a low value of themselves that they don't care to keep their own words. Some people also use the word "sorry" instead of punctuation. Not keeping your words and apologizinig for everything for everyone is self-defeating. Repetition makes them meaningless. If you are always late, or never show when you say you will, then you are doing yourself a disservice while insulting others. If you apologize for the world, then when your actions result in a necessary apology, it will be meaningless. Words have power, they are binding, they have meaning. Don't abuse them, or yourself.

If your own words fail to bind you, how can you expect someone else to be bound by them?
Tags: rant
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